Getting out of survival mode

A close friend of mine died in January, shortly after the holidays. I was the one who found her on her couch, two days after she’d passed, and I’ve pretty much been in survival mode since then. For me, survival mode means ice cream and donuts, rarely leaving my couch except for work, watching TV episodes that I’ve already seen and therefore already know what happens, and knitting and crocheting like my life depends on it.

So here I am, two months later. My weight is the highest it’s been since I moved to L.A. almost 15 years ago, which has led to my knee issues and heel spurs flaring up and causing much pain whenever I’m standing, much less walking. My right arm, particularly the elbow, is in almost constant pain from the relentless knitting and crocheting, making it difficult to type, to brush my hair, to hold my camera, and to play pool. My whole body feels out of control, and the pain makes me not want to move at all, completing a very ugly circle.

I’m trying to shake loose and bounce myself out of this survival mode that’s more like a “self-destruct mode”. This morning I finally went to my knee doctor for my overdue orthovisc shot–only two and a half months late. Next week I’m seeing an elbow doctor. And tomorrow I’m going to try to walk down the hill for the first time since before Christmas.

Changing my eating habits is of course proving to be way harder. Despite probiotics and some new med my doc put me on to control cravings, I have been unable to stay away from any of my customary sabotage foods–particularly sugar, but also pizza, chinese food, pasta, etc. My sis and sis-in-law suggest The Whole 30, which seems crazy hard to me, but my colleague said 14Four is similar, but half the time, so theoretically easier. However, it also costs, which The Whole 30 doesn’t. So, do I fork over the cash to try to help myself? So far, I’m undecided. I think I’ll see how the hill works out first.

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